In the wind, deep in the thought.

The trees outside all bent to the same direction. People gave out their umbrella, running for some hide.  I could hear the wind passed by even though the windows were closed. The repeated reports of typhoon made me nervous.

I think it was just this moment all the thoughts hid deeply inside would flush out.

Looking back a few months ago, I got the letter in which my bonus of last year was written. It had been dramatically decreased compared to the last year. In addition, at that time, our team just got the project transferred from another team, which had worked on it for a long time. If you never saw that project, you would never know why the original team spent so much time on it in order to meet the schedule. Structureless, no logic, no "latest" spec. The consequence is:
1. Any slight modification may have more bugs produced.
2. It is hard to maintain since you don't know what the codes really mean. Actually, it means nothing sometimes.
3. The modification may change the behavior but you have no chance to learn it, since there is no latest version of spec.
4. If you are going to implement a feature, it may affect existed one, since you don't know there exists such one. The none-latest spec tells nothing about the history of this project.

I felt numbness inside. I felt anger burning the soul. I didn't know what did I fight for. Fight for money? Ridiculous! You had spent 13 hours a day in the company in the last year but you got less bonus in this year, were you willing to have another hard work year? Fight for the knowledge? Insane! The project you were watching taught nothing, just craps. I lost the direction in my life.

Last month, I accidentally visited the autobiography of Steve Paul Jobs, who is the CEO of Apple. He had been resigned by Apple in 1985. It was easy to imagine how sad he was. Being fired by the company he created. The depression lasted for a few months and finally he learned one thing --  he really loves his job, so he founded another one, NeXT Computer. Without that one, he would not have chance to go back to Apple, and iPod, iPhone, iTune may not exist today. His story really touched me. I searched in the Youtube and found a clip in which he gave the commencement speech to the students in Standford.

He said:
"Your work is going to fill a large part of of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle"

When I heard what he said, I had wet my eyes. I was impressed especially by the last few words, "If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle". I was pretty sure he taught me what I should do in the future.

Keep looking. Don't settle.