剩下七個月了

ya.. as title.. 沒想到時間過得這麼快，國防役的役期已進入尾聲。有人說人在死前會看到一生的回憶，如幻燈片般的閃過。而我相信，在到人生的一個轉略點的時候，多少會回頭看自己走過的路，有沒有給自己一些的啟示。

這一路走來感慨很多，每每想起都讓我有 Kratos 的情緒，有種內心要爆炸的憤怒一般。
想想四年多前，有次 Legler 跑到我實驗室，拿了一張訊連的傳單給我，因為他剛剛去聽訊連的說明會，於是我就想投投履歷看看，那個時候的我，對工作沒有太多的要求，覺得工作就是一個可以領到薪水度日子的地方。我不掌握命運，而讓命運掌握我。當初面試我的主管是 Albert，在面試的時候我只記得都在打哈哈，只覺得這個主管還真是有趣，一點都沒有架子。而進公司的之後是被分配在 PCM product 部門，自然而然就忘了這號人物。


混混沌沌階段:
還記得進去後沒多久就有一票人離開，那個時候也沒意識到不正常的地方，時間久了之後也漸漸能體會這些人的想法。在高壓的日子裡時間過得很慢，但是日復一日的工作內容讓我覺得時間又稍縱即逝。初期住在新店的我，在工作下班後又得忍受都市壅擠的生活，我只覺得那陣子過得很痛苦，而此時第一個轉折點就是大毛，她是一隻一開始讓我討厭之後卻讓我喜歡上的狗，而因為他的關係，我的居住地從新店搬到了淡水，這大概是工作七八個月後的事情。而居住的地方讓我在下班之後的生活有了伸展的空間。


思索階段:
你永遠猜不到命運怎麼玩弄你。
在 CyberLink 的下一站從本來的 PCM team 轉移到了 TV team。還記得那個時候 Bruce Lee 很憂心匆匆的跟我說: "我很擔心你們，這樣調過去後的發展會受限"。那個時候的我不是很認同，就算他說的是事實，也不是我首要考慮的東西，因為我那時的想法是:只要到了 TV team 就可以學比較扎實的技術。所以我很欣然的接受這些決定，面對這個事實。

來到 TV team 之後，我就像是吵著要糖的小孩，一直想進去 CLRec4 的世界裡參一腳，還記得那個時候做的是 Canal+ 的 project，也很榮幸的在 CLRec4 裡頭實做一個小 feature，而那個時候 code review 我的就是 Bruce Sun 。在他的嚴峻拷打下，讓我體會到 TV team 跟 PCM team 對撰寫程式所持有的態度最大不同的地方。這點對我之後影響很大，讓我在寫 code 的時候都像在寫作文一樣，隨時注意文意是否通順。

過了一陣子，被 Leon 告知要出差去法國，第一次出差的我很緊張，前輩總是告知說不用怕，沒什麼。而到了戴高樂之後，在入境的時候跟一群看起來像是菲律賓人一起被留在海關室裡，但是過了不久那群人就被放出去了，徒留我一個人跟一群法國機場維安人員一起，好險最後靠著 CyberLink PowerDVD 這個名號讓我免於被遣返。但出國前發生了一件改變我想法的事情，那時為了要出差，就去 QA 那邊借筆電，當時 QA 的頭頭是大寶，所有借物最後的簽核都要經過他那關，他那時得知我要去法國出差，就問了我一句: 我冒味的問一句話，做 UI 的去那邊幹嘛。

一顆反 UI 的炸彈老早深埋在心中，但在他說出口的時候，一把無情的火點燃了引線，一顆昏厥已久的心被炸得支離破碎，破壞後的新生讓我開始思考新的方向。我開始思考怎樣讓自己跟別人有差異化，怎樣讓自己不一樣，在市場裡，同樣類型的商品當量變多的時候，他們的宿命就是價值變低。


暴氣階段:
在知道自己繼續走下去只會讓自己越陷越深之後，我開始接觸工作外的事物，廣度方面，觀察產業的變化，時代巨人的脈動，專業度方面，研究 windows internal，COM 的架構，Design Pattern，Effective C++。這一切的一切只為了讓我擺脫UI的羈絆。我可不想被認為只會寫 UI ，因為我壓根就鄙視它。

日子一天天過下去，金融風暴牽一髮動全身，在大時代的見證下，公司內部人事調布蠢蠢欲動，周圍的 UI 夥伴們一個一個的調離，或 support，或 transfer。每每調動大抵上不會是好事，也再度驗證做 UI 的悲哀。

過了一陣子，公司調了一些人跟相關的 project 到我們 team ，老實說，那個時候真的很不爽，導因是接到了爛攤子，所以那一陣子情緒控制得很差，甚至還嗆了主管，其實事後想想都是我不對，只是我太容易情緒化，又不想掩飾自己的心情罷了。如果真要貼個標籤，我會寫上【囂張】跟【不可一世】。那一陣子看到 Jobs 的一句話，讓我紅了雙眼，也讓我更加確定未來要怎麼做選擇。他說: "Your work is going to fill a large part of of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle"


此後:
時間拉到現在，在我思索下一階段該如何走的同時，過去養成的習慣以及努力讓我有了新的方向，接下來的幾個月就讓我堅持下去，用我不可一世的固執走下去，過去的經驗讓我選擇接下來的這條路，不期待一路順遂，但求心安。

Evaluate Simon

A few weeks ago, we had a gossip during the dinner time. And it was that moment that I learned Simon had lower salary than new-hired. The story was I mentioned that someone posted a recruit article on the PTT in which it said the salary for new-hired was between 50k to 55k. Simon then responded the comment immediately, "I got less than these numbers".

Could you think a guy so hard work with a rank, Assistant Project Manager, having less money than the new-hired?

Even so, he had stayed here for almost 4 years. If I were he, I would leave. The best way to increase your salary is to find another company.

If you stayed quiet, you got nothing!

Have something to write....

I, a should-be-young man with contradiction for nearly everything, always think about myself. I'd complained for my job, for my current life, for my characteristics. How can a man love this world with so many complaining words?

I love the time after work, but when it comes to hand, I had nothing to do. I want a suitable rank to admit my work, but sometimes, I was afraid of getting big tasks. I had an invisible barrier laid before me, between the thing I desired and I hoped. I want the glory but I'm afraid to suffer the pain behind it.

I weep for those guys who struggle to succeed, but I'm afraid to be one of them. The contradiction hold me, not willing to let me move forward. It whispers some evil words in my head, making me weak. I cannot defeat it. I cannot help but surrender to it. I...

A life is a period of time that you need to decide to decorate it by yourself. People always say it is like a canvas, and you are a painter. It is you who make a sketch on it. It is you who decide which or who should appear on it. It is you who give the colors on it. It is you who stamps it when the work is finished. Simple to say, but hard to do. How could I take actions? I know I am so conservative, not an active person. How's a person like me having some movements?

A barrier, invisible, unmovable and unbreakable, lays in front for many a year. Still there, stood high and wide to look down at me.

Complain complain complain~

People need to have a way to release the feeling inside. And I am glad I have such place to have my feeling omitted out.

This world is unfair, of course. But only something happens on you makes you understand what 'unfair' means.

A seed had been planted when I had done the low-class job, as compared those guys who did something called 'kernel'. Almost everyone has the same foothold when they graduate from school. But when they go to work, they have different futures. And one of the fact is 'luck'.

The seed grows when I had learn that all the efforts were in vain with the promotion list revealed. I felt angry because those who entered this company later than me also had been promoted, even they worked on the same kind of things as I did. I felt frustrated because I got no proof about my ability. More than three years staying in this company proves naught. I worked hard in the previous years, staying late on night and taking the last train to home. I didn't know exactly what I had earned at that time. Damn you. The next job will prove the words from my Father -- the best way to increase income is to change a job.

Well, I didn't care about the salary increased by the promotion. All I care is a proof. That is all.

The world is so unfair, as I had known before. But now, I really understand what's the core inside.

我以前是怎樣的人呢?

剛剛在整理房間的時候，看到一片光碟片，上面寫著【研究資料】。放進光碟機，打開資料的那一瞬間映入眼簾的是以前在學校研究的資料、論文、以及上過一些課所寫的程式。

看著這些東西，總覺得以前的自己好像很厲害。但相對於現在而言，變得沒有自信。要喊出一句:我可以的!。卻很難喊出來。

是什麼東西在消磨自己呢? 忘了以前那種衝勁(如果有的話)?

看著自己寫的論文，覺得在一個禮拜趕出那些東西還真的很厲害。
以前打工的地方也是一個禮拜要把程式寫出來。

在那種壓力下，過去的證明我是可以生存下來的。

可是現在的自己害怕那種壓力，漸漸的消磨自己的信心。就這樣消磨下去嗎?

ps. 看到自己面試時準備的影片還滿感動的

做ＵＩ的宿命

使用者介面... 一個被鄙視的領域，縱使在外部人的觀察是覺得很炫很華麗，但在內部大家都曉得 --- 作ＵＩ的就是沒有前途，就是可以隨時被抽換，就是可以被抓去做其他事情。大家都知道，只是不說而已....

當一個做kernel的人升成Senior Engineer了，大家認為理所當然。當一個做ＵＩ的升成SE，大家會一臉狐疑、懷疑，認為內情沒有想像中的單純。

對，這就是做ＵＩ的宿命。

不過我相信最苦的還是那些被調成ＵＩ的人..............

快要三年了，老實說，對DirectShow架構不熟，對Filter不熟，對TV Spec不熟，雖然身處在TV team，但是做的只是表層，看似外表華麗的介面，內裡卻是雜亂不堪，用金玉其外，敗絮其中形容真是再好不過。

也許，你會問為什麼會內裡不堪入目呢？這個問題的答案跟開頭說的一樣 --- 大家都認為做ＵＩ得很快可以上手。所以新人加入一兩個月就可以開始改code，新人的作業根本有做跟沒做是一樣的。這方面我認為 kernel 的可能就不太一樣，在他們新人獲得足夠的 background knowledge之前，應該是不會貿然的就去改 code 。我聽太多 product team 新人就進去改 code 的例子了，太多了，我也是其中一個.....

 遙想當年，架構什麼都不懂，沒有 training，沒有人講解，就這樣一股腦的就衝進去，當然啦，Quality也不會多好。

世界一直在變，但從踏入公司以來，在ＵＩ這邊已經打轉了快三年了... 還是沒有變...

沒有變... 沒有變... 沒有變.... 真是受夠解這些浪費生命的bug.... 

我不相信我去做 kernel 沒有其他人好

我不相信我在本質上就輸人一截，有哪個人研究所就在學這個東西的？

也許這世界就是充斥的這些不公平

也就是這種不公平促使我去思考去走不同的路

但現在想起來還是些許的不甘心....

In the wind, deep in the thought.

The trees outside all bent to the same direction. People gave out their umbrella, running for some hide.  I could hear the wind passed by even though the windows were closed. The repeated reports of typhoon made me nervous.

I think it was just this moment all the thoughts hid deeply inside would flush out.

Looking back a few months ago, I got the letter in which my bonus of last year was written. It had been dramatically decreased compared to the last year. In addition, at that time, our team just got the project transferred from another team, which had worked on it for a long time. If you never saw that project, you would never know why the original team spent so much time on it in order to meet the schedule. Structureless, no logic, no "latest" spec. The consequence is:
1. Any slight modification may have more bugs produced.
2. It is hard to maintain since you don't know what the codes really mean. Actually, it means nothing sometimes.
3. The modification may change the behavior but you have no chance to learn it, since there is no latest version of spec.
4. If you are going to implement a feature, it may affect existed one, since you don't know there exists such one. The none-latest spec tells nothing about the history of this project.

I felt numbness inside. I felt anger burning the soul. I didn't know what did I fight for. Fight for money? Ridiculous! You had spent 13 hours a day in the company in the last year but you got less bonus in this year, were you willing to have another hard work year? Fight for the knowledge? Insane! The project you were watching taught nothing, just craps. I lost the direction in my life.

Last month, I accidentally visited the autobiography of Steve Paul Jobs, who is the CEO of Apple. He had been resigned by Apple in 1985. It was easy to imagine how sad he was. Being fired by the company he created. The depression lasted for a few months and finally he learned one thing --  he really loves his job, so he founded another one, NeXT Computer. Without that one, he would not have chance to go back to Apple, and iPod, iPhone, iTune may not exist today. His story really touched me. I searched in the Youtube and found a clip in which he gave the commencement speech to the students in Standford.

He said:
"Your work is going to fill a large part of of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle"

When I heard what he said, I had wet my eyes. I was impressed especially by the last few words, "If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle". I was pretty sure he taught me what I should do in the future.

Keep looking. Don't settle.

Steve Paul Jobs

9/28 中午:
當我看到 Steve Jobs 在Standford畢業典禮說的話,
"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." 


這句話當場讓我紅了眼眶... Keeping looking. Don't settle!

We sleep, we eat, we write!!

People always say the idea coming at night. I just wonder why the night having such magic. It indeed makes me thinking, thinking about future, thinking about something which will not happen in the real life. You have some idea coming from your brain, and it flows in your nerve. It passes through your neck, shoulder, elbow, wrist and finally to the finger. Your fingers will obey the command and perform the typing. You will see the characters on the screen and you will satisfy with them.

The night, a moon hanging in the grey blue sky, sometimes has some noises as decorations, barking dogs, rushing cars, laughing or chatting or arguing voices from the neighbors nearby. Actually, the night is not silence, if you carefully listen to it. Why those elements combined to form a so called 'night' have such incredible seduction? I don't know.

But the writing really wants to tell you why. The thought, a word, a sentence, a paragraph or an article, tries to tell you the truth. Those words on the screen give you many hints. You write those words, to describe your feeling, and they try to tell you something out of consideration, even you forgot.

We sleep, we eat, we write.... and finally we know the truth!

Better, and then better

It is bad if you feel there is a stop expanding your knowledge. And it is worse if you don't know you are stop learning. However, the worst thing among them is that you satisfy with your current knowledge.

"Better" is a word of past tense.

"Stay Hungry Stay Foolish" said Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple. Kind of encouragement, doesn't it?

Google blog

Well, this is my.. uh ... I forgot how many bloggers I already have.

Proceeding less than four steps, choosing a word for your space, and now this is what I've seen.
This is a trend.

In the future, technology will make user look more stupid, because it is the goal of those designers and inventors.

You'll see what will happen in the future. There are only a small group of the smart guys in the earth, and the others will have relinquished brains.