"MAKE IT THROUGH, SOLDIERS!", the commander yelled to no one, but he hoped his brothers nearby could hear his command. An endless bombing had left the ground many holes, and one of them had his one leg.
The erupting dust hid his vision, and the red light behind it like a demon engulfed every life. Though his deafened ears heard nothing, but he could sense the terrors along with the screaming through the bloody smell.
His vision narrowed.
A red slowly crawled on the sand, spreading widely like a vein. He traced the red backwards until it reached his terror --- his wound was trying very hard to pour the blood out.
"A last command", he thought, "must be the wisest". The darkness had fallen, the silence was still. He could hear his own heartbeat now. Bump, bump..., bump. Like a war drum urged him to give order.
"What is it then? ", he bit his lips to keep awake, shaking his head violently to be focus. And then, he saw the answer in his blurred vision, like a sparking in the dark tunnel, flicking all the way to his mind. He shouted, loudly, hysterically, with all his efforts, and a bomb was coming faster than his words...
2014-08-04
同床共夢
我轉過頭去，看看誰在敲我的肩膀。倏地發現有四隻圓圓的眼睛盯著我看，一眨也不眨的盯著。
"我有事想說！" emma 舉起一隻手說著。
"我也有事想說！" yaya 搶著說。
"我做了一個夢" emma 搶上一句。
"我也做了一個夢" yaya 趕緊跟上一句。
"等等等等，大家輪流說吧" 我已經快聽不出來是誰在說了。
"我先講，我資歷比較深" yaya 這時顯得很尊貴不凡似的。
"先讓我講，我快忘記了"
"好，emma 先說" 我指著 emma。
"我夢到我給 yaya 一拳"
"我也夢到給你一腳"
"我抱著 yaya 用力地啃"
"我也抱著 emma 用力的踢"
"我的牙齒尖"
"我的爪子利"
"我嚼著你的耳朵"
"我用力的踢，踢著你的肚皮"
"然後你就掉下來了" 我插了一句話。
四隻眼睛再度盯著我，一眨也不眨的盯著。
"你怎麼知道我（她）掉下來了？" 她們異口同聲的說。
"因為... " 我拿下眼鏡，揉揉太陽穴。
"你掉下來壓到我了"
"我有事想說！" emma 舉起一隻手說著。
"我也有事想說！" yaya 搶著說。
"我做了一個夢" emma 搶上一句。
"我也做了一個夢" yaya 趕緊跟上一句。
"等等等等，大家輪流說吧" 我已經快聽不出來是誰在說了。
"我先講，我資歷比較深" yaya 這時顯得很尊貴不凡似的。
"先讓我講，我快忘記了"
"好，emma 先說" 我指著 emma。
"我夢到我給 yaya 一拳"
"我也夢到給你一腳"
"我抱著 yaya 用力地啃"
"我也抱著 emma 用力的踢"
"我的牙齒尖"
"我的爪子利"
"我嚼著你的耳朵"
"我用力的踢，踢著你的肚皮"
"然後你就掉下來了" 我插了一句話。
四隻眼睛再度盯著我，一眨也不眨的盯著。
"你怎麼知道我（她）掉下來了？" 她們異口同聲的說。
"因為... " 我拿下眼鏡，揉揉太陽穴。
"你掉下來壓到我了"
水準書局老闆秀
「我在毛澤東身邊的日子」紅底黃字，約三公分厚。我只這麼一瞥，就被老闆的眼神揪住。
這本很好看，很好看，在大陸是禁書，是禁書。
我隨手翻一翻，字還滿小的，得花幾個月吧。
買了不會後悔，大家都說好看，很好看，很好看。
無法控制的手就將這本疊在櫃檯上，在剛結帳的兩本上。
老闆的眼眯了一下。他的手在前面書堆裡翻阿翻。
這本也很好看，大家都說好看。
我點點頭，看過了，真的好看。
這邊是續集，很好看。這邊是第三集，很好看。
他翻上癮了。
這本是有名的心理學的書，很好看，買回去送爸爸當禮物，便宜賣。
我看標題「家庭如何影響一個人」。不用了，不用了，下次吧，下次吧。
他眼神暗了下來，算你六百吧。
2014-08-03
Brave New World
"O Brave New World, O Brave New World. "
這是 John the Savage 在進入文明前的憧憬。
在烏托邦社會裡，人們生活的目標只有一個，就是盡情的快樂，然而要維繫唯一的這種情感是很脆弱的。
Huxley 所創造出的社會就給人這種省思。
在這個世界裡，人是培養出來的，經過一連串的生產鍊，不斷的胚胎分裂，在根據每個胚胎所屬的社會階層給予不同的調配，最後 decant 出來的完成品就有不同的屬性，有些人被製造成為統治者，而有些人被製造成愚笨但是滿足於被給予的工作，這整個社會就在階級劃分下運轉起來。
會這麼做的原因就是為了 Stable。
然而，除了快樂的情感之外，其他情緒是不容出現。
百年孤寂讀後感想
一部以孤寂貫穿家族與城鎮歷史，縱使一時的繁榮也只是孤寂的前菜。麥魁迪與透娜拉如同天使與惡魔般，唯一的共同點就是洞悉邦迪亞家族的過去、現在與未來。
這部小說讀來如在夢裡看著一群人在亂繞，每個人身上都綁著一條線，線的另一頭都綁在同一個柱子上。
「你懂什麼，小子」
我轉頭看了一下聲音的來源，一個老人坐在旁邊看著我，他的頭髮如細鋼絲般糾結，一抹鬍鬚橫在薄唇上，枯老的臉皮掛著兩顆鼓溜的雙眼，從他半透明的身體，我認出是馬奎斯的幽靈。
「你懂什麼，小子」他彷彿如留聲機般重複這一句話，直到我了解他所說的話時，羞愧的臉直發燙，熱到一縷縷的煙就這麼地從毛細孔發散出去，聚集在天花板，形成一滴滴的水滴，水滴彼此聚集，形成流水，潺潺的從排水管流出，經過人來人往的馬路下，經過紅樹林的盤根錯節，經過鳴笛的渡輪旁，經過浮標與魚鉤，融在海裡。
「你懂什麼，小子」馬奎斯的幽靈在海水裡一直重複的這句話。
這部小說讀來如在夢裡看著一群人在亂繞，每個人身上都綁著一條線，線的另一頭都綁在同一個柱子上。
「你懂什麼，小子」
我轉頭看了一下聲音的來源，一個老人坐在旁邊看著我，他的頭髮如細鋼絲般糾結，一抹鬍鬚橫在薄唇上，枯老的臉皮掛著兩顆鼓溜的雙眼，從他半透明的身體，我認出是馬奎斯的幽靈。
「你懂什麼，小子」他彷彿如留聲機般重複這一句話，直到我了解他所說的話時，羞愧的臉直發燙，熱到一縷縷的煙就這麼地從毛細孔發散出去，聚集在天花板，形成一滴滴的水滴，水滴彼此聚集，形成流水，潺潺的從排水管流出，經過人來人往的馬路下，經過紅樹林的盤根錯節，經過鳴笛的渡輪旁，經過浮標與魚鉤，融在海裡。
「你懂什麼，小子」馬奎斯的幽靈在海水裡一直重複的這句話。
2012-12-25
商標
雖然題目是講商標，但其實是想談談個人的問題。
昨天晚上把最近跑步的心得登在臉書上，想藉由類似 open source 的概念獲得一些 feedback，不過看起來似乎在還未被人採用前先被打槍 (除了同事之外)。
這裡頭似乎有個現象。
首先，在前些日子每每破紀錄時，就會貼上使用 miCoach 紀錄的畫面，本以為這樣可增加後來這篇心得文的可信度，不過看來不是這麼一回事。
那原因又是如何呢？
1. 可能先前貼的那些太過於樹大招風，所以容易引起挑戰。
2. 正所謂百聞不如一見，如果他們沒親眼看到跑步的進行，無法取得他們的信任，這也許可解釋同事比較願意接受這篇心得文。
那如果你的實力獲得大家認可的情況下，就算是貼一些破紀錄的數據也不會引起對立，就像是林義傑把他的成績公佈，就算是嚇死人的數據，大家也視為理所當然。
結論就是我先前所營造的"品牌形象"的圈子太小，缺乏第三方公證，以致可信度不高。
2012-09-16
胡亂理解馬克思
這本綠色封皮，封面印著斗大三個字【馬克思】。我拍掉沉積在上面的灰塵，想想這本是先前在誠品書店買的，當時手上握著折價券，一心只想隨便挑本書買掉，看著看著，這本綠色顯目的書就吸引我的目光，而上面的書名更是讓我下了決心買它。
直到最近一些社會議題的發酵，像是華隆工會罷工事件，突然讓我覺得資本主義的擴張下，人性以嚴然成為金錢權力的犧牲品，也在這一刻讓我想起了這本書。
這是我第一次看哲學相關的書籍。
老實說，看這類型的書還真的挺不是好消化的，畢竟因為學理工的關係，總是希望所讀的東西能在腦袋中具現化出來，而哲學書籍卻是背其道而行，不過我還是把我胡亂看的結果先胡亂的整理下來，也許接觸久了，就可以慢慢修正。
研究馬克思要從他兩個不同時期看起，年輕時的馬克思與成年時的馬克思，這兩者的思想是有差距的。最大的差別應該是成年時的馬克思對政治與經濟方面比較成熟，所以比年輕時的馬克思於理論方面也比較完整。
不過在談馬克思的理論前，我們先來看看當時資本主義下的社會是如何。在文中有談到，所謂的資本主義就是階級制度，因為在利益的驅動下，每個人各司其職，而這種個人的異化造成的結果就是每個人並不是做自己喜歡的事情，而是屈於生存而謀取某一層級的工作，因此這群同文化、同工作內容、同思想的一群人就被歸類為一個階層。而馬克思認為真正的階層在此限制下還未生成，直到階層間彼此有衝突與碰撞，這時才稱為階層。
也因為有階層，有鬥爭，資本主義的本質就是毀滅。
綜觀資本主義的發展自古至今，永遠都是最上一層的色彩越顯鮮明，而這層的人通常也跟政治關係良好，所謂的官商勾結正是如此，然後最底層的階層，也就是所謂的無產階級、普勞階級，總是成為被犧牲的一群人。
這聽起來就像是資本主義是一個肉弱強食的世界，最強最猛的野獸人數不多，但是勢力龐大，而最底層的生產者，瘦弱的小動物，就成為猛獸的每日羔餚。
先胡亂寫到這邊，其實看到目前為止對他的學說還沒有很到位，腦袋就像是有一整片的拼圖，但是東缺西缺的，還看不出自己在拼什麼。其他還有馬克思對個人、自然、社會、歷史等的界定，以及個人對上述每一項之間的關係描述，這些都是他學說的核心，而這邊是寫得最抽象的部分。
直到最近一些社會議題的發酵，像是華隆工會罷工事件，突然讓我覺得資本主義的擴張下，人性以嚴然成為金錢權力的犧牲品，也在這一刻讓我想起了這本書。
這是我第一次看哲學相關的書籍。
老實說，看這類型的書還真的挺不是好消化的，畢竟因為學理工的關係，總是希望所讀的東西能在腦袋中具現化出來，而哲學書籍卻是背其道而行，不過我還是把我胡亂看的結果先胡亂的整理下來，也許接觸久了，就可以慢慢修正。
研究馬克思要從他兩個不同時期看起，年輕時的馬克思與成年時的馬克思，這兩者的思想是有差距的。最大的差別應該是成年時的馬克思對政治與經濟方面比較成熟，所以比年輕時的馬克思於理論方面也比較完整。
不過在談馬克思的理論前，我們先來看看當時資本主義下的社會是如何。在文中有談到，所謂的資本主義就是階級制度，因為在利益的驅動下，每個人各司其職，而這種個人的異化造成的結果就是每個人並不是做自己喜歡的事情，而是屈於生存而謀取某一層級的工作，因此這群同文化、同工作內容、同思想的一群人就被歸類為一個階層。而馬克思認為真正的階層在此限制下還未生成，直到階層間彼此有衝突與碰撞，這時才稱為階層。
也因為有階層，有鬥爭，資本主義的本質就是毀滅。
綜觀資本主義的發展自古至今，永遠都是最上一層的色彩越顯鮮明，而這層的人通常也跟政治關係良好，所謂的官商勾結正是如此，然後最底層的階層，也就是所謂的無產階級、普勞階級，總是成為被犧牲的一群人。
這聽起來就像是資本主義是一個肉弱強食的世界，最強最猛的野獸人數不多，但是勢力龐大，而最底層的生產者，瘦弱的小動物，就成為猛獸的每日羔餚。
先胡亂寫到這邊，其實看到目前為止對他的學說還沒有很到位，腦袋就像是有一整片的拼圖，但是東缺西缺的，還看不出自己在拼什麼。其他還有馬克思對個人、自然、社會、歷史等的界定，以及個人對上述每一項之間的關係描述，這些都是他學說的核心，而這邊是寫得最抽象的部分。
2012-08-05
What's the best shot
I always wondered why people like to take my photos. It was quite annoying being flashed by the strong light. After that I always felt dizzy, a short period of time seeing nothing but a blank white. Well, I decided to invent a device which could reflect everything applying to me, let the people knew how I felt at that moment.
2012-07-11
Chaos
The only sound in this room was the clicking on the keyboard. The only light in this room was the splashing on the screen. I hunched on the chair, looking straight into the virtual world. I adjusted the curtain and peeped outside. I groaned while the blazing sun stung my eyes.
It had been 212 days since that day...
It had been 212 days since that day...
2010-11-15
Sex confusion
I found that it was getting easier to see the kiss from lesbians. I just saw one a moment ago on the MRT platform.
2010-10-11
Recent status
Useless, nonsense, bored... etc.
That was what I looked like recently.
It seemed like I lost the goal. I had became a guy without soul. I cared about nothing. I had no interest, even playing games could not rouse my interest.
The day is coming, and I found that I was getting tired about learning.
How could I find any passion which is the spirit of life? What is my interest which could be used to separate the work from life?
Pondering...
Hope the day of realization is not far away.
2010-09-18
New hires
The story began when a newcomer joined my team.
"We are going to have some new hires joining our team.", said Albert, "of course, some training courses should be prepared."
The trailing word seems to be a hint to Keven. Seeing he projected the web page on the screen, a table with some course names and week numbers are shown."As you see, the table here shows the courses designed by Gary.", said Keven, "I've arranged the courses to fit the schedule. Any suggestions are welcomed."
"Or we could have new hires to write some tools we need.", continued Tommy.
Same words ringed in my mind arousing the old memory."... write some utilities, such as rich video testbed, or changelog parser...", said Gary. I could not stand anymore. I made sound to attract the attention from others."In my opinion, the training courses should focus on learning the skills they really need in the future. New hires should not ..."
"... should not waste their precious time on helping us develop what we want now.", the sudden exclaim seems to shock everyone and I continued, "Instead, they should learn the primitive, the fundamental skills which will decide what they will become in the following years.", I paused for a second, choosing the right words, and from their eyed I knew they are waiting for my answer. "Design pattern is one of the samples.", these few words seemed to make a perfect echoes.
A prologue is like a seed planted, and the chapters followed moistened it. I had spent few days on pondering what courses should be given so they could have enough skills to the tasks in the future.
The conjured idea was materialized as some documents, and a topic was given to the series - Googo.
2010-07-03
剩下七個月了
ya.. as title.. 沒想到時間過得這麼快，國防役的役期已進入尾聲。有人說人在死前會看到一生的回憶，如幻燈片般的閃過。而我相信，在到人生的一個轉略點的時候，多少會回頭看自己走過的路，有沒有給自己一些的啟示。
這一路走來感慨很多，每每想起都讓我有 Kratos 的情緒，有種內心要爆炸的憤怒一般。
想想四年多前，有次 Legler 跑到我實驗室，拿了一張訊連的傳單給我，因為他剛剛去聽訊連的說明會，於是我就想投投履歷看看，那個時候的我，對工作沒有太多的要求，覺得工作就是一個可以領到薪水度日子的地方。我不掌握命運，而讓命運掌握我。當初面試我的主管是 Albert，在面試的時候我只記得都在打哈哈，只覺得這個主管還真是有趣，一點都沒有架子。而進公司的之後是被分配在 PCM product 部門，自然而然就忘了這號人物。
混混沌沌階段:
還記得進去後沒多久就有一票人離開，那個時候也沒意識到不正常的地方，時間久了之後也漸漸能體會這些人的想法。在高壓的日子裡時間過得很慢，但是日復一日的工作內容讓我覺得時間又稍縱即逝。初期住在新店的我，在工作下班後又得忍受都市壅擠的生活，我只覺得那陣子過得很痛苦，而此時第一個轉折點就是大毛，她是一隻一開始讓我討厭之後卻讓我喜歡上的狗，而因為他的關係，我的居住地從新店搬到了淡水，這大概是工作七八個月後的事情。而居住的地方讓我在下班之後的生活有了伸展的空間。
思索階段:
你永遠猜不到命運怎麼玩弄你。
在 CyberLink 的下一站從本來的 PCM team 轉移到了 TV team。還記得那個時候 Bruce Lee 很憂心匆匆的跟我說: "我很擔心你們，這樣調過去後的發展會受限"。那個時候的我不是很認同，就算他說的是事實，也不是我首要考慮的東西，因為我那時的想法是:只要到了 TV team 就可以學比較扎實的技術。所以我很欣然的接受這些決定，面對這個事實。
來到 TV team 之後，我就像是吵著要糖的小孩，一直想進去 CLRec4 的世界裡參一腳，還記得那個時候做的是 Canal+ 的 project，也很榮幸的在 CLRec4 裡頭實做一個小 feature，而那個時候 code review 我的就是 Bruce Sun 。在他的嚴峻拷打下，讓我體會到 TV team 跟 PCM team 對撰寫程式所持有的態度最大不同的地方。這點對我之後影響很大，讓我在寫 code 的時候都像在寫作文一樣，隨時注意文意是否通順。
過了一陣子，被 Leon 告知要出差去法國，第一次出差的我很緊張，前輩總是告知說不用怕，沒什麼。而到了戴高樂之後，在入境的時候跟一群看起來像是菲律賓人一起被留在海關室裡，但是過了不久那群人就被放出去了，徒留我一個人跟一群法國機場維安人員一起，好險最後靠著 CyberLink PowerDVD 這個名號讓我免於被遣返。但出國前發生了一件改變我想法的事情，那時為了要出差，就去 QA 那邊借筆電，當時 QA 的頭頭是大寶，所有借物最後的簽核都要經過他那關，他那時得知我要去法國出差，就問了我一句: 我冒味的問一句話，做 UI 的去那邊幹嘛。
一顆反 UI 的炸彈老早深埋在心中，但在他說出口的時候，一把無情的火點燃了引線，一顆昏厥已久的心被炸得支離破碎，破壞後的新生讓我開始思考新的方向。我開始思考怎樣讓自己跟別人有差異化，怎樣讓自己不一樣，在市場裡，同樣類型的商品當量變多的時候，他們的宿命就是價值變低。
暴氣階段:
在知道自己繼續走下去只會讓自己越陷越深之後，我開始接觸工作外的事物，廣度方面，觀察產業的變化，時代巨人的脈動，專業度方面，研究 windows internal，COM 的架構，Design Pattern，Effective C++。這一切的一切只為了讓我擺脫UI的羈絆。我可不想被認為只會寫 UI ，因為我壓根就鄙視它。
日子一天天過下去，金融風暴牽一髮動全身，在大時代的見證下，公司內部人事調布蠢蠢欲動，周圍的 UI 夥伴們一個一個的調離，或 support，或 transfer。每每調動大抵上不會是好事，也再度驗證做 UI 的悲哀。
過了一陣子，公司調了一些人跟相關的 project 到我們 team ，老實說，那個時候真的很不爽，導因是接到了爛攤子，所以那一陣子情緒控制得很差，甚至還嗆了主管，其實事後想想都是我不對，只是我太容易情緒化，又不想掩飾自己的心情罷了。如果真要貼個標籤，我會寫上【囂張】跟【不可一世】。那一陣子看到 Jobs 的一句話，讓我紅了雙眼，也讓我更加確定未來要怎麼做選擇。他說: "Your work is going to fill a large part of of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle"
此後:
時間拉到現在，在我思索下一階段該如何走的同時，過去養成的習慣以及努力讓我有了新的方向，接下來的幾個月就讓我堅持下去，用我不可一世的固執走下去，過去的經驗讓我選擇接下來的這條路，不期待一路順遂，但求心安。
這一路走來感慨很多，每每想起都讓我有 Kratos 的情緒，有種內心要爆炸的憤怒一般。
想想四年多前，有次 Legler 跑到我實驗室，拿了一張訊連的傳單給我，因為他剛剛去聽訊連的說明會，於是我就想投投履歷看看，那個時候的我，對工作沒有太多的要求，覺得工作就是一個可以領到薪水度日子的地方。我不掌握命運，而讓命運掌握我。當初面試我的主管是 Albert，在面試的時候我只記得都在打哈哈，只覺得這個主管還真是有趣，一點都沒有架子。而進公司的之後是被分配在 PCM product 部門，自然而然就忘了這號人物。
混混沌沌階段:
還記得進去後沒多久就有一票人離開，那個時候也沒意識到不正常的地方，時間久了之後也漸漸能體會這些人的想法。在高壓的日子裡時間過得很慢，但是日復一日的工作內容讓我覺得時間又稍縱即逝。初期住在新店的我，在工作下班後又得忍受都市壅擠的生活，我只覺得那陣子過得很痛苦，而此時第一個轉折點就是大毛，她是一隻一開始讓我討厭之後卻讓我喜歡上的狗，而因為他的關係，我的居住地從新店搬到了淡水，這大概是工作七八個月後的事情。而居住的地方讓我在下班之後的生活有了伸展的空間。
思索階段:
你永遠猜不到命運怎麼玩弄你。
在 CyberLink 的下一站從本來的 PCM team 轉移到了 TV team。還記得那個時候 Bruce Lee 很憂心匆匆的跟我說: "我很擔心你們，這樣調過去後的發展會受限"。那個時候的我不是很認同，就算他說的是事實，也不是我首要考慮的東西，因為我那時的想法是:只要到了 TV team 就可以學比較扎實的技術。所以我很欣然的接受這些決定，面對這個事實。
來到 TV team 之後，我就像是吵著要糖的小孩，一直想進去 CLRec4 的世界裡參一腳，還記得那個時候做的是 Canal+ 的 project，也很榮幸的在 CLRec4 裡頭實做一個小 feature，而那個時候 code review 我的就是 Bruce Sun 。在他的嚴峻拷打下，讓我體會到 TV team 跟 PCM team 對撰寫程式所持有的態度最大不同的地方。這點對我之後影響很大，讓我在寫 code 的時候都像在寫作文一樣，隨時注意文意是否通順。
過了一陣子，被 Leon 告知要出差去法國，第一次出差的我很緊張，前輩總是告知說不用怕，沒什麼。而到了戴高樂之後，在入境的時候跟一群看起來像是菲律賓人一起被留在海關室裡，但是過了不久那群人就被放出去了，徒留我一個人跟一群法國機場維安人員一起，好險最後靠著 CyberLink PowerDVD 這個名號讓我免於被遣返。但出國前發生了一件改變我想法的事情，那時為了要出差，就去 QA 那邊借筆電，當時 QA 的頭頭是大寶，所有借物最後的簽核都要經過他那關，他那時得知我要去法國出差，就問了我一句: 我冒味的問一句話，做 UI 的去那邊幹嘛。
一顆反 UI 的炸彈老早深埋在心中，但在他說出口的時候，一把無情的火點燃了引線，一顆昏厥已久的心被炸得支離破碎，破壞後的新生讓我開始思考新的方向。我開始思考怎樣讓自己跟別人有差異化，怎樣讓自己不一樣，在市場裡，同樣類型的商品當量變多的時候，他們的宿命就是價值變低。
暴氣階段:
在知道自己繼續走下去只會讓自己越陷越深之後，我開始接觸工作外的事物，廣度方面，觀察產業的變化，時代巨人的脈動，專業度方面，研究 windows internal，COM 的架構，Design Pattern，Effective C++。這一切的一切只為了讓我擺脫UI的羈絆。我可不想被認為只會寫 UI ，因為我壓根就鄙視它。
日子一天天過下去，金融風暴牽一髮動全身，在大時代的見證下，公司內部人事調布蠢蠢欲動，周圍的 UI 夥伴們一個一個的調離，或 support，或 transfer。每每調動大抵上不會是好事，也再度驗證做 UI 的悲哀。
過了一陣子，公司調了一些人跟相關的 project 到我們 team ，老實說，那個時候真的很不爽，導因是接到了爛攤子，所以那一陣子情緒控制得很差，甚至還嗆了主管，其實事後想想都是我不對，只是我太容易情緒化，又不想掩飾自己的心情罷了。如果真要貼個標籤，我會寫上【囂張】跟【不可一世】。那一陣子看到 Jobs 的一句話，讓我紅了雙眼，也讓我更加確定未來要怎麼做選擇。他說: "Your work is going to fill a large part of of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet. Keep looking. Don't settle"
此後:
時間拉到現在，在我思索下一階段該如何走的同時，過去養成的習慣以及努力讓我有了新的方向，接下來的幾個月就讓我堅持下去，用我不可一世的固執走下去，過去的經驗讓我選擇接下來的這條路，不期待一路順遂，但求心安。
2010-06-27
Evaluate Simon
A few weeks ago, we had a gossip during the dinner time. And it was that moment that I learned Simon had lower salary than new-hired. The story was I mentioned that someone posted a recruit article on the PTT in which it said the salary for new-hired was between 50k to 55k. Simon then responded the comment immediately, "I got less than these numbers".
Could you think a guy so hard work with a rank, Assistant Project Manager, having less money than the new-hired?
Even so, he had stayed here for almost 4 years. If I were he, I would leave. The best way to increase your salary is to find another company.
If you stayed quiet, you got nothing!
Could you think a guy so hard work with a rank, Assistant Project Manager, having less money than the new-hired?
Even so, he had stayed here for almost 4 years. If I were he, I would leave. The best way to increase your salary is to find another company.
If you stayed quiet, you got nothing!
2010-06-20
Have something to write....
I, a should-be-young man with contradiction for nearly everything, always think about myself. I'd complained for my job, for my current life, for my characteristics. How can a man love this world with so many complaining words?
I love the time after work, but when it comes to hand, I had nothing to do. I want a suitable rank to admit my work, but sometimes, I was afraid of getting big tasks. I had an invisible barrier laid before me, between the thing I desired and I hoped. I want the glory but I'm afraid to suffer the pain behind it.
I weep for those guys who struggle to succeed, but I'm afraid to be one of them. The contradiction hold me, not willing to let me move forward. It whispers some evil words in my head, making me weak. I cannot defeat it. I cannot help but surrender to it. I...
A life is a period of time that you need to decide to decorate it by yourself. People always say it is like a canvas, and you are a painter. It is you who make a sketch on it. It is you who decide which or who should appear on it. It is you who give the colors on it. It is you who stamps it when the work is finished. Simple to say, but hard to do. How could I take actions? I know I am so conservative, not an active person. How's a person like me having some movements?
A barrier, invisible, unmovable and unbreakable, lays in front for many a year. Still there, stood high and wide to look down at me.
I love the time after work, but when it comes to hand, I had nothing to do. I want a suitable rank to admit my work, but sometimes, I was afraid of getting big tasks. I had an invisible barrier laid before me, between the thing I desired and I hoped. I want the glory but I'm afraid to suffer the pain behind it.
I weep for those guys who struggle to succeed, but I'm afraid to be one of them. The contradiction hold me, not willing to let me move forward. It whispers some evil words in my head, making me weak. I cannot defeat it. I cannot help but surrender to it. I...
A life is a period of time that you need to decide to decorate it by yourself. People always say it is like a canvas, and you are a painter. It is you who make a sketch on it. It is you who decide which or who should appear on it. It is you who give the colors on it. It is you who stamps it when the work is finished. Simple to say, but hard to do. How could I take actions? I know I am so conservative, not an active person. How's a person like me having some movements?
A barrier, invisible, unmovable and unbreakable, lays in front for many a year. Still there, stood high and wide to look down at me.
2010-05-12
Complain complain complain~
People need to have a way to release the feeling inside. And I am glad I have such place to have my feeling omitted out.
This world is unfair, of course. But only something happens on you makes you understand what 'unfair' means.
A seed had been planted when I had done the low-class job, as compared those guys who did something called 'kernel'. Almost everyone has the same foothold when they graduate from school. But when they go to work, they have different futures. And one of the fact is 'luck'.
The seed grows when I had learn that all the efforts were in vain with the promotion list revealed. I felt angry because those who entered this company later than me also had been promoted, even they worked on the same kind of things as I did. I felt frustrated because I got no proof about my ability. More than three years staying in this company proves naught. I worked hard in the previous years, staying late on night and taking the last train to home. I didn't know exactly what I had earned at that time. Damn you. The next job will prove the words from my Father -- the best way to increase income is to change a job.
Well, I didn't care about the salary increased by the promotion. All I care is a proof. That is all.
The world is so unfair, as I had known before. But now, I really understand what's the core inside.
This world is unfair, of course. But only something happens on you makes you understand what 'unfair' means.
A seed had been planted when I had done the low-class job, as compared those guys who did something called 'kernel'. Almost everyone has the same foothold when they graduate from school. But when they go to work, they have different futures. And one of the fact is 'luck'.
The seed grows when I had learn that all the efforts were in vain with the promotion list revealed. I felt angry because those who entered this company later than me also had been promoted, even they worked on the same kind of things as I did. I felt frustrated because I got no proof about my ability. More than three years staying in this company proves naught. I worked hard in the previous years, staying late on night and taking the last train to home. I didn't know exactly what I had earned at that time. Damn you. The next job will prove the words from my Father -- the best way to increase income is to change a job.
Well, I didn't care about the salary increased by the promotion. All I care is a proof. That is all.
The world is so unfair, as I had known before. But now, I really understand what's the core inside.
2010-02-19
我以前是怎樣的人呢?
剛剛在整理房間的時候，看到一片光碟片，上面寫著【研究資料】。放進光碟機，打開資料的那一瞬間映入眼簾的是以前在學校研究的資料、論文、以及上過一些課所寫的程式。
看著這些東西，總覺得以前的自己好像很厲害。但相對於現在而言，變得沒有自信。要喊出一句:我可以的!。卻很難喊出來。
是什麼東西在消磨自己呢? 忘了以前那種衝勁(如果有的話)?
看著自己寫的論文，覺得在一個禮拜趕出那些東西還真的很厲害。
以前打工的地方也是一個禮拜要把程式寫出來。
在那種壓力下，過去的證明我是可以生存下來的。
可是現在的自己害怕那種壓力，漸漸的消磨自己的信心。就這樣消磨下去嗎?
ps. 看到自己面試時準備的影片還滿感動的
看著這些東西，總覺得以前的自己好像很厲害。但相對於現在而言，變得沒有自信。要喊出一句:我可以的!。卻很難喊出來。
是什麼東西在消磨自己呢? 忘了以前那種衝勁(如果有的話)?
看著自己寫的論文，覺得在一個禮拜趕出那些東西還真的很厲害。
以前打工的地方也是一個禮拜要把程式寫出來。
在那種壓力下，過去的證明我是可以生存下來的。
可是現在的自己害怕那種壓力，漸漸的消磨自己的信心。就這樣消磨下去嗎?
ps. 看到自己面試時準備的影片還滿感動的
2010-02-17
2010-02-10
Day after day
On the train I read
the novel being a long story
with Frodo carrying the ring
with Voldermort bound by Harry
Stark fell to ashes
while Lannister being cursed
Big Bill killed It
left nothing in memory
Mark the page and close it
Step out of the train and step into it
A day come, a day end
Flip my page and write few words
with nothing change the day before it
the novel being a long story
with Frodo carrying the ring
with Voldermort bound by Harry
Stark fell to ashes
while Lannister being cursed
Big Bill killed It
left nothing in memory
Mark the page and close it
Step out of the train and step into it
A day come, a day end
Flip my page and write few words
with nothing change the day before it
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